Tag Archives: lonely

Depression Is A Hot Mess!

Rest In Peace

Okay, I’m back. One month and three days later. I was depressed and took it out on my blog. I stayed away like someone mad at a lover, waiting to see who was going to make the first move. Well, there was no one to do it on this end, so I’m back with my writer’s head hanging low, ashamed that I let things get the best of me and make me stop writing, especially when I had so much to say.

Also, have been wondering where I fit in the job market? There’s got to be something out there with my name on it. Getting really sick of being unemployed. It’s been too long. Need to be busy making a difference in the world. There’s greatness in me bursting at the seams.

I guess I went about this blog thing all wrong. Didn’t know you were supposed to read other blogs and get to know people first so they would come check you out.
I’m always alone, no matter where I go or what I do and actually thought when you start to write, people would miraculously appear and start talking to you. Is that funny, or what? Even on Facebook, I have 553 Facebook friends and there are about ten people who comment at any given point in time, but not at the same time, even though I’m talking to ALL OF THEM all the time by sharing things they need to see. So, I started a blog to write daily and hopefully have more interaction, but it’s more of the same, except worse.

I’m like, why should I start sharing all this personal stuff and there’s no one reading and talking back? Whatever. I’m here now. Let me tell you this, blog page:
Two weeks ago, a girl I used to get high with back in the day, died. She was my age. She died alone during one of the hottest weeks and wasn’t discovered until three days later only because her daughter called the janitor from another state to go check on her. How messed up is that? She was cremated, and a week ago they had a memorial service. It was very nice.  I  revised the obituary and volunteered to take pictures during the service and repast that followed. That was the least I could do.

Our lives came together in college because she was friends with my college roommate. When our friend moved out-of-state, we started hanging together. Once, I spent the night with her and we went out to a club and she picked up a man and brought him back with us. Her daughter must have been conceived that night. Luckily, I was in another room.
Well, that’s a long story I’m not going into. Suffice it to say, our lives went in different directions when she started doing a lot of things, I got involved for a year and stopped, and she continued to do stuff until it got out of hand. I didn’t want any part of it, and we lost touch. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Her death made me want to come back to this blog. I had to say something.

What kept me away from this blog an entire month when I intended to come back the next day, is beyond me. Blog depression.  I was even thinking of dumping this blog and starting something different, a little more lighthearted or humorous, but last Saturday, everywhere I went I heard: testimony. Took that as my clue to come back and give it another chance.
God has been too good to me. Even though it was long ago, God delivered me from drugs, alcohol, sex, sexual sins and so much more. By His grace and mercy I’m still alive today. Believe me, I’m grateful. There’s a song that says: Millions Didn’t Make It, But I’m One Of The Ones Who Did.  An old friend is gone. May God have mercy on her soul.
I’m still here for a reason. Still trying to figure it out. I think I was born to write. It’s the only thing I do well. Okay, it’s late. I’ll be back soon. I promise this time.